2014 FIFA World Cup Brazil Review

Electronic Arts (2014)

 11 proud men, whose parents, or at least a parent, or perhaps a deceased grandparent, or even a dug up ancestor, some generations before today’s opening kickoff, were forcibly tugged out a live womb—inside which, through no volition of their own, they were conceived, and later delivered, at a nearby hospital or doctor-visited home, insulated by imaginary, arbitrarily drawn borders, whose outlines we pledge our pre-match allegiances to—so these few men, on this particular afternoon, for a mere 45 minutes, then 45 more, plus some unspecified, unverifiable amount of seconds, were saved by the shrill cries of several auspicious whistles, which later tonight, could set serious injury, or a murderous end, upon the impartial head of that hated book keeper bearing his collection of scribbled, colored pocket squares beneath a blank, unaffiliated shirt—these men, nay, our men, were proven superior at directing the forward inertia of a well-shaped, perfectly inflated, partially synthetic leather ball around a spacious, often trimmed, frequently swept field, into a largely unoccupied net—superior according to seven direct and fifty-seven indirect results televised to an uncountable
amount of countries in an unknowable number of languages, all highlighting the slightly less than equal efforts displayed by the 352 equally proud men of marginally different origin.

Grade: C

Platforms: Xbox 360, PlayStation 3